The show last night was nice. I had been worried that it would be a west county hippie spirit fest, but I was completely wrong. The work there was really strong and young, I was surprised at that and the many familiar faces in the show.

After the show, we went back to Derek & Liz's for a little party type thing and I got to talking with Brooke Finley, sister of Chris Finley. Her brother is a successful artist, father and teacher, trying to find balance with all of that and still work on his art. While we were talking we were getting close to the root of why we work on art, a big show he has coming up, and she brought up some interesting points that I had been mulling over recently.

If you are familiar with my site and my way of working, you know things have been slow lately. Having said that, I feel like I've been doing some good work. I feel like the good work i've been doing is for the shows and the book that might be coming out soon. I feel like I have to draw, but I need to upload to the internet. The compulsion is to draw, but the pressure is to produce for the internet, however mindlessly.

I like the time and work and thought I've been putting into the art that will be physically seen: I feel it is more important and weighty than what I do when I'm just trying to keep content fresh on the internet. I'm burnt out trying to produce for the site and feeling the constant pressure to upload. I already feel the compulsion to draw, I already have that pressure and the letdown I feel daily when I don't draw. It isn't healthy, and having seen what I can do right now when I'm driven to produce for myself and for physical viewing I know it isn't fair to anyone to work just to keep up appearances that I am working.

I'm writing this so that I won't get the response that I have before from you, internet. Before, when I've been in a rut or taken my time about producing, you let me know. You email me and keep up that pressure, letting me know that I'm not cranking out things to look at in a timely manner.

I appreciate the response and critique and comments to the work but I need to take some time for myself. I have a few projects that I'm supposed to be working on, and an upcoming group show. What I don't have is an upcoming solo show. This is good, I don't have the portfolio or adequate pieces for a solo show without recycling images. I don't have the drive or the language to fill that out right now, and that is what I need the time to work on.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and really thinking about it since last night. I've been trying to think of an adequate timeline, say 6months, but that's limiting myself again. If it only takes 5months to build up strong again, then what? What happens if 6months rolls around and I'm just not proud of what I'm doing? I need to be proud of everything I'm finalizing, and not just producing to have some tangible explanation for my time spent.

See you when I see you internet and thanks for the sabbatical.
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Two essays I read occasionally: 1, 2